‘I didn’t invent the laws of nature, I just follow them.’
Like it or not, Power (as a macro effect) is a real thing that determines outcomes of interactions. It cannot be avoided and even if you pretend it doesn’t exist, you are subjected to its effects.
Power Illiteracy is a real thing, and hopefully from this article alone you will benefit from this dynamic of the world. Everyone has their own theory on Power, I think its simplification of a few effects.
“The POWER of a Man, (to take it Universally,) is his present means, to obtain some future apparent Good.” – Hobbes
Imagine a case where a smart well dressed person is having a conversation with a super smart person with bedhead and rags on. This is a conversation among equals, where each side must take their turn and test boundaries. Now imagine this same super smart person is equally as well dressed. This is no longer a conversation among equals, there is a superior and an inferior. The superior now decides the topics, can interrupt, decide norms and ethics of the conversation. All because they changed their clothes and styled their hair.
That is an example as Hobbes would say Power of Form(Beauty).
In the modern era, much power comes from Economic sources. Its a ‘good enough’ short cut to say Money = Power. Outside of politics and fame, there are few ways to get substantial power other than money. However we can use Form(Beauty), economic/social efficiencies, to give you more power.
Stand up taller, fix your posture.
Don’t think about personal examples of this truth too long, it’s painful. There are stories of diplomats getting shorter chairs than their hosts to make their hosts appear taller. Standing up taller and fixing your posture can be the difference between among equals and or among superiors and inferiors.
It is worth checking your appearance before a major meeting or encounter. If you can think of any instant things you can do to look better, you should do it.
I’m no expert here. The boldest claim I will make is that you shouldn’t say ‘Um’ or any variants. “Think before you speak.” If that is even possible.
I’ve also heard a random person on the internet say: “Talk Lower and Slower”
Can you understand the general idea here? Sound better. It increases your relative power to the other person.
(Give yourself a bit of a break, these simple rules are insanely difficult in the momentary nature of interactions. Practice makes perfect.)
Me and Dr. Mandy Kirk have been doing biphasic sleep for almost a decade. 6 hours of nighttime sleep and a 20 minute nap. Alternatively, I’ve found 4 hours nighttime and 2 hours daytime nap has worked with my family’s lifestyle. We have 4 kids.
Its easy to get into autopilot and do easy, low value activities. A simple todo list can spark a memory of an easy, high value task that can be done while you are drinking a morning coffee.
On a similar note, I’ve found fun, high value activities on my todo list that got me running first thing in the morning.
The goal here is to be intentional and organized at least a little.
I know sweatpants and a zip up are soo nice to feel, but I don’t make the rules.
I might dread the stiffness of a dress shirt, but I’ve seen the difference it makes as mentioned in the opening example.
I’d like to lend one more example. For the second time in my life, I was meeting my Kid’s teacher. This time it was for an extra privilege, asking to attempt to test out of a grade. I had considered wearing jeans and a shirt, but decided that regardless of the length of time we were talking, it was the event that was important. Not only did the janitor think I was important enough to let into the school early, but I also had that teacher’s full attention. These little factors may be something subtle, but the totality can be the difference between Among Equals or between Superiors/Inferiors.
Bed head is obvious in my life. I need to shower, or at least spend a few minutes wetting then styling my hair.
Sometimes I will add water and styling product + blow dry in about 60 seconds. Its a hack job, but most of the time, its better than nothing.
Changing your clothes + doing your hair is a combo that I cannot recommend enough. Its bizarre how different people will treat you.
Money and appearance increase your absolute power, however your power is most often relative in value. For instance, I might have lots of money, but I’m not really powerful to a plumber when I have an emergency issue.
The suggestion is to diversify and give yourself more options. I’ve written other articles about how getting 3 prices give you a decent statistical average. For high stakes items I got for 5-6 quotes.
On a similar note, I’ve had to hire people for jobs and I’ve decided I prefer having departments of part time workers over a single full time worker. Diversifies.
I have 4 kids, if one of them refuses dinner, I can give it to the other 3. They are well aware of this and act accordingly.
When using this power, you have two options: Unilateral actions and bilateral negotiation.
These are relationship hurting, but it can accomplish your will.
Fait accompli, meaning, ‘Its already been done’. This is when you just do whatever you want and deal with the fallout. If you are the stronger power, this should go uncontested. If you are among equals, it will hurt your relationship significantly. If you are the lesser power, it might not work at all.
Consider changing the topic in a conversation. When you do it, ‘it is done’. However, if you are a lesser power, the greater power may revert back to the topic without skipping a beat.
This is your classic negotiation. My advice here is to find some mutual ground to base off. You shouldn’t expect the other side to completely capitulate or change their desires. You shouldn’t personally value ‘atmospherics’ like useless titles, but rather tangible goals. Beware of people who are not at the negotiating table claiming you can get 100% of what you want with no compromise, these people do not have buy-in, and get to enjoy moral high grounds without sacrificing anything.
Instead of merely making demands, its best to explain Why you deserve your outcome. When being selfish, you can make claims that your survival is important. When working with a greater power, you can make claims of equality and fairness. Whatever you choose, find an overlap in Values that your adversary and bystanders would agree upon.
While every interaction involves a power dynamic, it doesn’t mean you should be using Unilateral tactics because you can. One aspect of power is ‘likeability’, and by using unilateral tactics, you reduce this. Alternatively, spending money to achieve your will, means potentially less money in the future.
Even if you do not plan on any active use of Power, these laws of nature affect you regardless. Other people will be using them, and its best for your own sake to be aware and optimize in your best interest.